I did not kill my sweet young wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
My sweet young wife, I loved her so.
A knife? A knife? Where did it go?

I did not stab my only love.
I did not leave a bloody glove.
My only love I did not stick!
A glove! A glove! It’s bloody sick!

I did not kill a man named Ron.
In all of this I’m just a pawn.
A man named Ron? Don’t know the man.
A pawn! A pawn! That’s what I am.

I was at home that still June night.
Was chipping balls... or sleeping tight.
I wasn’t there. No, not at all.
A hat? A glove? Oh my! Oh my!

I got into a big long car.
And then an airplane took me far.
I could not kill from far away.
Away! Away! More golf to play!

I heard the news. I broke a glass.
I cut my hand. A gash! A gash!
I did not cut it on a knife!
I did not kill my sweet young wife.

They asked me questions for an hour.
An hour! An hour! A sour hour!
I’m not a suspect. No, not me!
I told A.C. I told A.C.

I was so sad I had to go.
We tried to go to Mexico.
I took some cash. I took a beard.
I was upset! I feared! I feared!

I may have beat her now and then.
But I’m just like a thousand men.
I beat her and I pay the fine!
She was all mine! All mine! All mine!

They say my blood and DNA
was at the scene. No way! No way!
Ugly-ass shoes just ain't my style!
Besides, I think I have an alibi.

My lawyers charged me by the hour
They’re the ones with all the power.
I want to speak and tell my side!
No sir! No sir! My team decides.

Johnnie Cochran is my friend.
He’s very smart. The truth he bends.
He knows exactly what to say.
To make the jury think “No way!”

No way! No way! The gloves don’t fit!
The gloves don’t fit! You must acquit!
The jury thinks there is a doubt.
Please let me out! Please let me out!

And now a jury of my peers
Listens for what seems like years.
The evidence all points to me!
But there is doubt. You see? You see?

Now they say I can go free.
I’m free! I’m free! Oh lucky me!
To Rockingham I want to go.
It is my home. My home, you know!

I hope that someday you will see
It couldn’t ever have been me.
I loved Nicole with all my might
And I was chipping balls that night!

And now I’m free to golf again.
To golf again! With all my friends.
To Florida, that’s where I’ll stay.
With 18 holes to make my day.

I did not kill my sweet young wife
Thank God they never found the knife.
Now I’m back with all my friends.
And this is where the ballad ends.

by Billy DaMota

O.J. Simpson a la Dr. Seuss

I did not kill my lovely wife I did not slash her with a knife I did not bonk her on the head I did not know that she was dead I stayed at home that fateful night I took a cab, then took a flight The bag I had was just for me My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be! When I came home I had a gash My hand was cut from broken glass I cut my hand on broken glass A broken glass did cause that gash I have nothing, nothing to hide My friend took me for a ride Did you take this persons life? Did you do it with a knife I did not do it with a knife I did not, could not, kill my wife I did not do this awful crime I could not, would not, anytime Did you hit her from above? Did you drop this bloody glove? I did not hit her from above I can not even wear that glove I did not do it with a knife I did not, could not, kill my wife I did not do this awful crime I could not, would not, anytime And now that I'm free, I can return To my house for which I yearn And to my family, whom I love And now that I'm free... Give back my glove sent via e-mail